


Let Go.

by amira3113



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 10:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19462057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amira3113/pseuds/amira3113
Summary: It was time to accept his faith. He is gone and everybody moved on. So should you.





	Let Go.

Letting the cold air touch my face, I stood by the water waiting for him. Even though deep down I knew he wouldn’t come back, I still stood there every single night waiting for him. I still had hope.

He wasn’t gone. No. It is not that easy to kill him. At any minute he will appear again saying that he found some sort of solution of coming back. I was sure of it. I only had to wait and be patient.

Everybody would look at me and think I am going mad. But I was not mad.

If throughout all these years I have been alive I learned something then I would be that a true hero doesn’t die. Just like Steve. Or Bucky. Or everyone who died during the snap.

He isn’t dead. He can’t be. I would repeat these words every day before I go to sleep and after I wake up. This is probably the reason why Bucky and I don’t talk as much anymore. He is just oblivious as the others. When Tony shows up then I will have the last laugh.

I have been through hell in my life. Around 1946 HYDRA kidnapped me, tortured me, used my knowledge to build weapons, made me brain-wash my presumed dead husband, poisoned me, made me their experimental rat and made my husband kill my brother and his wife in front of my eyes. So, when I can get through that, Tony must easily be alive, right? Right?

“It is late. You should go to sleep.” Bucky spoke behind me. He sounded exhausted and tired. But I am used to that. It was his normal state around me. And I didn’t expect him to feel otherwise. After all, I am a crazy person according to him.

“Mhm.” Was all I responded, in hopes of him leaving me alone to wait.

But didn’t. Like every night.

“(Y/N),” he sighed, putting a hand on my shoulder, “when will you accept that he isn’t coming back.”

Being used to their lack of hope, I didn’t lash out on him this time, not like the other times. I didn’t have enough energy to fight.

When I didn’t reply, he left, knowing that an argument won’t lead him to any process.

Then I waited. And waited.

He is gone. My little nephew is gone. I knew it. But I wouldn’t accept it. 

One might say it is an unhealthy way to mourn over a person. Living most of my life in a HYDRA cell, I didn’t learn how to do otherwise. Hope was the only thing that kept me alive. Hope is the only thing that will keep me alive.

He didn’t deserve to die. No, he most definitely did not. Tony was a beautiful human being. Inside and out. Even though I only knew him for a little under a decade, I was never so close to the person in my life like I was to Tony. Not Howard. And not even Bucky.

Oh, Howard. If only you could see your little angel now. You would be so proud.

When I heard that he and his son didn’t get along I wasn’t surprised. Never in my whole life did I think that he’d have a family.

But I am happy he did. He created a wonder. A hero.

“Auntie, (Y/N)!” Turning around, I could see my little grand-niece running towards me. She was an Angel too. A little copy of her dad, but with the stubbornness of her mother. Just the sight of her made me smile every single time.

“Hey, little one! Shouldn’t you be in bed already?” I started tickling her as I picked her up her.

“Mommy said that I should go check on you. She is worried and said that I should make you happy. So, I came to you. Be happy!”

She giggled. Cupping my face with her little hands, she squeezed my face just like I squeeze hers sometimes.

“Oh, I am very happy, Starkie.” Pressing a kiss to her nose, I let her down again. From day to day she would get bigger and bigger.

Out of every person I used to know back in the day, I used to think that I would be one of the first to have a little family of my own. But fate decided against it. I mean, I did marry first, but my plan was cut short when I lost my other half. When my happiness ended.

But my happiness grew again when I was introduced to Tony Stark. And finally, my happiness overflooded my veins, the day she was born.

Now, one can ask themselves: Why wasn’t I happy when I found out that my husband was still alive? Why wasn’t I happy when he escaped HYDRA?

The answer to that question might be very selfish and insensitive, but he wasn’t the same man I married. Our marriage wasn’t as it used to be. It never was after what HYDRA put us through. I felt like a burden to him. To him and his heart.

He doesn’t kiss me like he used to. He doesn’t make me smile like he used to. And he most certainly doesn’t treat me like he used to.

Every time he was around me, I’d feel his mood creasing. It felt like as if I was a walking ghost, reminding him of his gruesome past.

People say love fades after time and I can only agree. His love for me did fade.

I was glad every time he got a break from the world, but I would be happy around him my heart reminds me that he doesn’t love me like he used to anymore.

I did. After everything we have been through, I still did. But he didn’t.

I still loved him. I would always love him even if could never love me the same. 

Our hearts once beat in sync. Now it feels like he is too tired to do so anymore. And I couldn’t blame him.

I feel like he only stays around and takes care of me because he feels responsible for what had happened to me. And it is partly true. 

“Did you have another fight with Uncle Bucky?” her curious concerned eyes scanned my visage, looking for a sign of sadness. Lucky me, found a way over time to hide these little giveaways from her.

“No, lovely.” I ruffled her hair, hoping that she would drop the subject and go back inside, leaving me with my thoughts.

“I do not believe you, Auntie.”

Yep, she definitely got the stubbornness of her mother.

“Mor-“

“Is it daddy? Are you sad because of daddy?” she took my hand in her little ones.

How well she knew me.

As her big brown gaze fixed on me, I felt ashamed to look at her. I should be helping her to move on too and not be a delay.

“Don’t worry, auntie. He is in a great place now. And he is finally at peace.”

She very certainly caught me off guard. This kid was too wise for her own good.

Just as I was about to say something, she cut me off. Again.

“You should let him go, Auntie. He is resting now.” She wrapped her tiny arms around my legs, hugging me. “Do it for me. Let Go.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from letting the tears that have formed themselves in my eyes during her speech slipping. Her words didn’t leave my ears like when the others spoke. No, they made their way to my mind and heart.

She was right. He is gone. I indeed should let go. For my sake. For her sake. For the sake of the others.

Dropping to my knees while sobbing, she removed the hair that stuck to my face and put them behind my ears.

“Everybody worries about you.”

Trying to stop myself from crying any further, I attempted to lower my gaze, not wanting her to see me in this state anymore. But she didn’t let me. She held my face tight.

“Especially, mommy and Bucky. He really worries.”

Letting a laugh escape my lips, I wiped my nose with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Yeah sure,” I replied, forgetting that I was talking to a kid.

“Believe me, he does. He looks at you like daddy used to look at mommy when she works too much.”

She stopped. It seemed as if she was struggling to decide if she should say what’s on her mind.

After a short pause, she took a tissue from her pocket, wiping away the tears from my face.

“I heard him talking to momma the other day.”

“And what did he say?” what could he have possibly said?

“He said that he feels that you don’t love him anymore. He looked pretty sad. But he is blind, you know? Any person with eyes can see that you love him as much as he loves you.” There’s that Stark sarcasm.

Her statement left me shocked. He did?

“Morgan! (Y/N)! It’s getting very late. Come inside!” Pepper shouted from the garden door.

The little kid quickly obeyed her mother running to the door, leaving me behind. But she stopped mid-way remembering you.

“You are a Stark, Auntie (Y/N). A Stark can do anything, a Stark is strong and a Stark fights for what they want. Be strong and a warrior.”

For that, she earned a fit of laughter and a huge smile from me. I once said that after I found out that a few kids didn’t want to pay with her and found her crying in her bed. She was so precious.

But most importantly, she was right.

I was a Stark. A Stark can do anything. I should be able to let go. I should let go.

I should fight for what I want. I want Bucky and me to be happy. I want the old flame back. I want a family of my own.

No. I already have a family, but I want an addition.

I need a new beginning.

This is what I will get.

When I came home, a small cottage a five-minute walk away from Tony’s and Pepper’s house, the lights were out. Realizing that my husband must be sleeping, I changed my clothes, only to stand in front of the bed after doing so.

There he lay, his back to the door and my side. How we normally slept every single night. Knowing him very much, I was sure he wasn’t asleep. He wouldn’t sleep if I didn’t lay next to him already asleep. It had been like this since always.

Taking my chances, I carefully crawled into bed. Trying my best not to scare him, I softly, carefully put my hands on his waist.

I felt him stiffen.

“(Y/N)?” his deep voice echoed through the room.

Not stopping, I let my arms wrap themselves around his waist, pulling myself closer to him.

After a few seconds of no reaction, I started to grow a bit insecure. Maybe the kid understood it differently than he meant. Maybe this was a mistake.

Just as I was pulling away his hands placed themselves on mine, holding them tight. He loosened one from his waist afterward, placing a kiss on top of it.

“I missed you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I got really emotional after watching endgame and I just felt obligated to write this. The reason why I wrote this was to help me say goodbye to him. I love him from all of my heart. He was and will always play an important role in my life. No one can replace him.
> 
> I actually wrote this right after I watched the movie.


End file.
